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[sticky post] Fake Track [Nov. 28th, 2012|08:56 pm]
[Tags|, , , , , ]
[Current Location |United States, Oregon, Portland]
[Current Mood |disappointeddisappointed]

silly pants
but she's a fake
betrayed women and sisterhood
pretending to bring women together
knowing she's torn them apart
so much pain for those women
she helped crush their hearts
i know them, she knows them
it was so sad to see
their sorrow
she didn't want to be with her husband anymore
she wanted to be with a man at work
she wanted to be with her neighbor
she wanted to use it or lose it
i'm sure it made her feel good about herself
but those men would have cheated with others
she's just the one they could get
she knows that now
they didn't choose to be with her
every time I see her big teeth or hear her fake snorty laugh
i feel ill
she actually refers to herself as awesome
all the time
but I act just as fake
if i told anyone, i fear they'd shrug it off
i'd be the shunned one
i know how this works
so I keep my stupid secret
and hope others figure her out on their own

Mr.Secret Keeper
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(no subject) [Nov. 14th, 2015|05:23 pm]
Suddenly, I feel so depressed.
In the place I was whe n I felt so much isolation, so many crushed expectations, all of my hope leaving me. This is the place where I have felt the most heartbreak.
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(no subject) [Oct. 26th, 2014|11:02 pm]
When I think about it, I feel like everything is swallowing me up. I feel like a lot of things are thin and failing. I feel like some collisions are unavoidable, some demises are unpreventable. I give to him all of the things that make me as a person. I feel conflicted, because I know you want me to be my own person, but I don't think you would want me to lessen my attention or affection. I feel something shifting. Something in me shifting.
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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2014|10:23 am]
Do they make "I hate boys" t-shirts?
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2014|09:46 pm]
Remember that you are still a person, too.

With their own needs and goals and dreams.

It's not always about someone else. Sometimes it can be just about you.
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(no subject) [Aug. 17th, 2014|06:52 pm]
That whole "love yourself" thing, was a thing I never got.
Why love myself? I want to love somebody else!

And that was what I was labeled as by my mother during my childhood and on, that I was selfish. I guess that is why I am this way now, so aware, so terrified.
"I have the least consideration for myself."
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Really, really, scary. [Jul. 22nd, 2014|02:43 pm]
One day, you will leave. You will go on to your bigger-and-better. And I always knew this life was too small for you, too suffocating. But still, I wish that you will put me in your pocket when the time comes. Please don't leave me behind.

But I see it happening. And you'll be different without a second thought. You'll be gone without stopping to wonder where everyone else went. You will have this life you always wanted. I do hope that you do have that, no matter what. I hope that you will be able to reach satisfaction. I just have to put my selfish desire to always be at your side, aside.
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(no subject) [Jul. 7th, 2014|10:38 pm]
I have REM sleep disorder. I feel like I' m constantly living in a dream world because I'm always tired. I die in my dreams and kill people in my dreams. This disorder makes me want to commit suicide.
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(no subject) [Mar. 8th, 2014|12:41 am]
My girlfriend thinks I have some sort of stomach flu. In reality, I haven't been able to keep anything down since I found the used condom when I emptied the wastebasket in our bedroom. I tried to rationalize its being there, but no matter how much I want to, I just can't make myself believe the strap-on is that advanced.
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Brains. Picking my own. [Feb. 24th, 2014|08:25 pm]
Y'know what's shit?
I try so hard to never vent my negative feelings, to never hurt people and to only let people see me happy.
But it's difficult.
It's heavy.
I just want to be a positive force on this place, improving things for other people, 'cause I know what it's like.
Sometimes it all just seems too much.
How can anyone that understands anything - anything that goes on in the world - how can they be happy? How can they live their lives and be okay with stuff?
I know I can. I do, and have lived like that.
Even trying to have a positive impact on this planet and the people that thrive on it.
But even as the horrible plague we are on the planet, we're equally beautiful. Trying to improve, trying to progress, trying not to step on one another.
But life, society, everything is counter productive.
Living for ones self seems such a hollow existance, but living for others is so thankless, so aimless, so....

But I can't even get by here well enough to look after myself, so how can I help others? How can I guide, advise, support...
Who can do that without feeling guilt.
Who can do that but not for selfish reasons.

I'm not even sure this makes any sense.
I want to blame the size of the box I'm writing in, but no.

I'm not happy 'cause I'm missing that special someone in my life. I'm surrounded by friends and family, but just missing that someone else.

Just watched the end of season 4 of Breaking Bad - it's really good. Walter White is a dick.

im gonna go for a run.
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